I didn’t go to jail that’s for sure! My long absence was about my professional life.

After a long decision making, I finally decided to get out of this prison and move on with my professional life. It has been long due and I can’t no longer stay. I’m unhappy and unproductive. There are so many reasons why I want to leave but I can’t enumerate them here for safety, and in due respect to my company.

I hate to leave my friends behind but they do understand my mission. I miss the development. I miss the designing. I miss being a web developer. There are so many new technologies appeared like mushrooms and I need to review just to compete with the outside competitors (fellow IT people).

But still I want to thank my boss on believing on me… on my skills since I started. My skills had developed if without him. I want to thank to my team who stayed through thick and thin. Judith (our graphic artist … my fellow pioneer), Rene (my top candidate for team lead), John (our programmer), Allan (the “austistic” web author/web designer), Romar (our administrative girl), and Diobeth (our working student part-timer). I’m going to miss you guys as I step into a new company. I will never forget you. I will always look back what we have been through.

To my friends who keep on supporting me especially my best friend, Jeniffer, and to my most special someone – my Funshine Bear – no… I think GRUMPY BEAR! LOL. Thank you for everything <3 <3 <3

I never thought that someone will completely change me. All of the sudden, I bended down on my knee, I folded, and realised my mistakes in my life.

For quite sometime, I had believed that I’m happy with my family, with my work, with my relationship and my friendship,  I was wronged all along. I was living unhappy. I have forgotten the other side of my life and that is is to have fun. I prayed to God to gave me enough strength for my weakness, wisdom to make wise decision, and help me to open my heart.

I carefully studied what’s on my mind and in my heart, and I admit that I was lonely and I feel empty those time and I missed him so much. All the fun, all the caring, and *a possibility or not* the love. He’s the only person who made me feel special, made me feel that I am important. I never felt that real care to anyone, and I realised that I’m falling for him.

I want to thank him for giving me a second chance. I’m not expecting or forcing him to like me, but he’s my new inspiration. He’s my new sunshine, and I’m glad that everything is back to normal.

You and me, we got along just fine
But deep inside I know there is more
Right next to you
I know you’re the right one
Can’t fight this feeling, I’m taking chances now

In my heart I feel that this is something real
I don’t wanna let this moment go

(CHORUS)
Why oh Why, Do I feel this way?
When I’m with you I feel so alive
Why oh Why, will I hide away
I can’t help it
I’m FALLING IN LOVE with you

Never ending nights when I’m alone with you
A lifetime of dreams coming true
Nothing comes close to what we have right now
You’re the only one that matters now

In my heart I feel that this is something real
I don’t wanna let this moment go

(CHORUS)

What if I fall in love?
What if I make you mine?
I wanna know if you’ll be there by my side

(CHORUS)

You and me, we got along just fine
But deep inside I know there

Today, I was with my 20+ odd years bestfriend, Jennifer (yeah that’s how her name spelled). I was in Robinson Galeria Mini Stop around 8:20 and drink Cappuccino. I was so sleepy so need some boosters. We met there around past 9am and went to POEA (Philippine Overseas Employment Administration) to find list of jobs that are available and sad to say, it wasn’t helpful. Only a few list for nursing and dog trainer are only available.

Then we decided to go to Embassies. While on the road, I used my unlimited surfing to get addresses of the embassies near Makati City/Ayala Avenue/Dela Costa St. area. We have our lists:

1.) Australia
2.) Germany
3.) Canada
4.) Taiwan
5.) Portugal
6.) Switzerland
7.) U.K. – Jen wanted to find out but out of the route – located at The Fort area (on the other side of Makati City)

Australia, Germany, and Canada are in one building; Taiwan on just beside it. But we are not allowed to go up in their offices. So people from the reception area gave us pamphlets on how we can get the lists of jobs. Then Jen and I went to nearby McDonald’s for lunch.  Then we passed by first with ACB Law (where I worked for one month) to have a chance to meet my lawyer client, but they were not there so Jen and I continued to find our way to Embassy of Portugal. While walking, Jen and I were having fun talking about our professional lives, our love lives, and our personal lives. The heat of the sun made my skin burned and telling Jen how foreigners love her natural tan color.  Hahaha! We did some fun laughs. This is how I love my best friend. Our thoughts are connected.

After a loooonnnngg walk under the heat of the sun, we reached our destination building but the security guard told us that the Embassy of Portugal is no longer there and was transferred to INDONESIA! WHAT THE!!!! And then we would’ve gone to Switzerland Embassy but I can’t no longer hold the heat. I can passed out right on there.

So Jen and I went to Glorieta mall. I should sent my parcel for James but my budget was too small so I decided to send it after my salary arrived. And then we have gone to TIMEZONE Arcade for the DDR video. So funny that I haven’t done any DDR dances for ages and standing on that flatform made me nervous. Thank God it is Monday so DDR pros were not  around. HAHAHA or else I will die of shame. Jen did the video of me as my promise to James. I tried the easy mode first to test myself. I don’t want to give spoilers for James regarding what songs I danced and the scores, and after 1 round (that was 4 SONGS!!!), Jen was so curious about it and tried it (that was her first time). She told me that DDR sounds fun. YES! IT IS FUN! I told her that I was looking for the soft mat and made it as my daily exercise but I can’t find one. Now, Jen also wanted one. We went to standard songs. So that’s another 1 round (4 SONGS AGAIN!) and then the last round – a dedicated to James -  I won’t tell what is it. So that’s another round (another 4 SONGS!) – I danced 12 DDR songs T_T. I didn’t have enough stamina and I was easily got tired. When we parted our ways, I checked my bag and my DIGICAM WASN’T THERE!!! Jen didn’t give it to me, so I need to wait until Saturday for my cam (Sorry James!!!!)

Being with your best friend, someone who acts like you, thinks like you and try new things with you is ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS.

I just feel to write something this night and I would like to introduce you the groups that I have been supported so far.

Ako Mismo – A group that goals that the changes come within ourselves.

Bayan Mo, Ipatrol Mo or BMIM – Started out as a Voter Patroler. People registered watched out for the misconduct during the Election period. Now the election is over, they changed it to “Bayan” means Country. I am now a registered Bayan Patrolwomen and I could now watch for the complaints, and misconduct politicians.

Dynamic Teen Company – built its first “Kariton” (or Cart) Classroom. Their goal is to spread education for the less fortunate who can’t go to school because of poverty as they move around Manila with their Cart decorated like a classroom (with pens, papers, books and blackboard). Efren Penaflorida Jr. was the 2009 CNN Hero of the Year. Proud to be a Donor.

Green Peace Philippines – After watching “Age of Stupid”, I’m interested to be a member of Green Peace Philippines. It goals to stop the Climate Change. My favorite The X-Files actress, Gillian Anderson supports the goal of Green Peace.

PGH Medical Foundation – PGH (Philippine General Hospital) is a government hospital and lots of our less fortunate sick people went here. Children has always a place in my heart, and if there will be a chance that I can help, I will donate something for PGH Pediatric Ward to give these children funds for their medicine.

BOSS!!! IT’S SATURDAY! CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME A DAY OFF??? I’VE BEEN WORKING FOR EFFIN 6 DAYS LAST WEEK AND I WENT TO WORK LAST MONDAY AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO WORK?

The thing here is I don’t want to work during my day offs. I’ve been very committed with my company but I did see the demands are not on position. It was really too much already.

I can’t wait on Monday.  I and my bestfriend, Jennifer will be going to POEA looking for legitimate jobs on agencies. Geez, I  hate agencies. I used to be a walked-in applicant. Agencies will just scam/pigged out your salary, but at this point, there’s no choice, but to go for it. We’ll be also going to Embassies for more inquiries.

First of all, I love my work. I love my profession but somehow it makes me bored and tired already. To the extend that I was thinking of changing career. But changing career is equivalent of money to study again, and if I were given a chance to study again, my parents can’t afford it anymore because I am planning to pursue my Medicine career and be a Pediatrician.

I was thinking if I did make a mistake to go home-based work. I hate regrets but I’m somehow regretting it *sad sigh*

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, love hurts

I’m not a perfect person. I can be loved, I can be fooled, I can be insensitive, and I can be hurt. But sometimes, we are willing to give a second chance and let that person prove himself that he’s willing to change and improve. Instead of breaking up, I choose to cool off. We believe that we can hold on to each other. As he told me that he wants to fix his life like getting a job. Other people are right – You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. I believe in him and I pray to the Lord for his improvement. I can feel that he is serious with his words.

I don’t limit ourselves. He can still talk to me… we just need space to breathe in.

I saw this quote to Angelo’s blog (Mike’s brother) and this is for my Hunnie.

I love you; not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. – Roy Croft

I love visiting his blog because of the wonderful quotes that he shared often on his entries and for what’s happening right now in my career, this quote implies today

Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. – Johnny Carson

Very nice quote indeed. I maybe hated my company now a days but since I love my job and I like what I’m doing, I’m still keep going because

Work is love made visible. – Kahlil Gibran

Today is very quiet on the team. I guess my boss is too busy but he’s currently having a problem sending us our salary due to some problem on his credit card and blocking problem on xoom.com. When problem like this arises, I should find a way to have an enough money but today, I can’t find another resources of income.

One of my team mates, our graphic designer – Judith, was cut off by internet and electricity. She’s now swearing our boss for not sending her salary. As much I want to help but I have nothing too. I told her all we have to do is to wait for the money to arrive.

Rene (my grave yard shift leader), who just got home from his honeymoon was delayed by 1 month and few days now.

Diobeth, our under probation, didn’t went to work today because no salary yet. Same with John (our programmer) and Allan (our web designer/web author). Well John was doing double work and he has clients outside, but most of us don’t have an extra income. My freelance project just come and go. It’s not permanent.

Despite of all these dramas at work, James lifted up my day with full of laughs. Thank you so much.

It’s past midnight and I barely sleeping. Who can sleep properly if there are too many things in your mind. You feel distracted. I know by writing this blog, my relatives from the US will probably know what’s going on here, but I hope that they will read this blog. I know this is only a small thing family problem but what if your family members themselves who is not going to help you out with your current financial status.

As we all really hate our electric company, MERALCO, our bill for this month is the highest electric bill that we have ever got after 25 years, 4,300+. Last month 3,500. Obviously with my $575 monthly salary + delayed salary, somehow my boss has a fault here. My budget is ruined! I’m still single and now having a hard time budgeting what more if I have a family of my own.

My German friend, Steve told me to talk to among of my family members to split the cost. Actually at first, I already knew what my family will react on it, but still it was a good point after all. As I am looking for a companion to talk with. I approached my closest guy friend, Mike. Despite of his busiest schedule, he gave his little time to listen to me. I knew that I could count on him when it comes to my problems since he’d knew “the story”. I told him that I’ve been trying to be strong but this time I couldn’t anymore. So I told him my plan to talk to my family members which he’d agreed for me to do so.

First, I told him that I had talked to my Dad who’s blaming my younger sister’s consumption while ironing her uniform. And then I had talked to my brother and my younger sister at the same time. Since my brother had already paying our water bill, my sister doesn’t have a share yet. She must share somehow because she’d already back on this home. What did my younger sister told us? “I don’t have anything to share. Not now”. That feels bad for me because I’ll be paying the biggest bill on this household + the internet bill is mine too. I’m paying 4000 to 5000 on this household! Guys, I’ve been working so damn hard to earn money. I wanted to do so many things on my life but still, I just can’t move on. Once my father talked about my younger sister, he might get high blood and might cause of his early death (KNOCK ON THE WOOD!!!!!) So I told Mike that I’m going to give a try. I also told Mike that I want to go to Baclaran Church walked on my knees from the door of the church up to the altar.

Downstairs, they were all there sitting, watching TV and I pointed my brother, my younger sister and my mom to sit down talked regarding this thing. BUT SHIT! THEY HAVE ALL THEIR OWN EXCUSES.

1.) Mom said, I’m already paying our telephone bill. Why? I even paid for those overseas calls/cellphone calls that I made
2.) My brother was complaining about our water bill. From 100 to 300 pesos
3.) My younger sister complained that she was paying 300 pesos before on renting and now she’s going to pay 1,000!

I was really mad and I shouted to them my final word, “I’M NOT GOING TO PAY THAT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE MONEY”, marched going to my room, banged the door, locked it up, back to my chat with Mike and cried.

Can you see? they are just spending 100-300 pesos for their share WHILE I AM PAYING 5000 A MONTH depends on the usage. It’s so unfair. I was the one who approached to seek some help but then, I was ignored. I went downstairs because I have some work that I haven’t finished yet. I told Mike, I was holding back my tears.

I thank you my friend for always be there for me especially that you are very busy with your projects. Thanks for listening. Sorry for the bother but I really appreciate it so much.

Nothing seemed to have a good feeling than having a new beginning. Welcome to my new life. It has been months since I have stopped writing something on this domain. Many things happened in the real world so I think it’s time to share again. I don’t know where to start except that I know my real life is a mess right now.

I seemed to be weak what has been going on with my life right now. I know I have friends but at the moment, they can’t help me. The only person who can help me is the one up there. He is my strength so if I have burdens, I just put them on His hands. Again, I listened to this song every time I feel lonely.

Hey shout outs to everyone. I’m hosting my good friend, James’ domain – Destination-Unknown.org. Hope you guys visit him soon.